i was found under a rock by a wandering tribe of Albanian nuclear physicists. Used as a radioactive source for a series of illegal interstellar rocket tests during my youth i finally escaped by imitating a government bureaucrat and boring my captors into a coma. i made my fortune by suing the developer of the pet rock for copying my personality. Financially independent i settled down to a life of leisure in the American Midwest. Unfortunately i lost my wealth through a bad investment in a biotechnology company which was attempting to develop a mouse which looked like Elvis. Forced to wander the world i started taking odd jobs as a lowly computer programmer.